Anonymous asked: I was raped by my soon-to-be-ex-husband 7 years ago. Thank you for what you've said on this blog. I'd just like to say that one of the things that kept me silent for so long *was* the insensitive joking that went on around me *constantly*. It doesn't matter that the people around me didn't know, that's not an excuse. It's not like you can look at someone and say "Oh, they were raped. Shh! Don't joke til they're gone!"

TW: Sexual assault/rape/sexual violence

First of all, I am so sorry you had to go through that. If you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to come to me (my url is bitbax). I’m also a survivor of sexual violence, and I know that sometimes I just need to talk to someone else who understands.

Second, yes, this is exactly why rape jokes are not funny and why they are a big fucking deal. They create a hostile environment, whether unintentional or not; you are exactly right when you say you can’t look at someone and tell what they have been through or not. Under-reporting is already a serious problem for a variety of reasons, and joking about rape and minimizing the experiences of people around you does absolutely nothing to help correct that.

So for everyone out there who doesn’t think it’s a big deal, please stop and think about the unintended effects of your comments and how you are hurting someone with your words.

-Admin Anna